I just looked up the definition of that word and it SO does not mean how we use it in my house, but I will give you the Nelson dictionary definition. :) Being mullygrubbed (or "mully" for short) means being in a funk. There is no real explanation or concrete reason you're just feeling blah. Well that's where I am right now. I am hormonally charged and I have no idea what's going on with my body. I am 5 days late now for my period with absolutely NO sign of it's approach and I have broken out like a teenager, which happened when I was pregnant with K. Nonetheless all three, count them 1, 2, 3 preganacy tests have been negative.
I have no patience for the kids, even my own. I feel anxious, who knows what about. I haven't prayed in weeks except with Kaitlyn and my prayers with her are very genuine and sincere but I can find no time for myself to read, pray, think. I have been cleaning like a mad woman all day and see no difference. Ben is now working nights so I don't see a lot of him, which means I have good time to get my homework done and clean the house but I just don't know. I know I was made for something better but I can't seem to make a commitment and stick to it and make a true and real change in my life or my relationship with God. My heart hurts and I know what advice I would give myself, if I were on the outside, but it's not as easy as all that. I know to change I have to want to change. And I want to want to change, but I guess I don't want to change enough that I actually act on it, does that make sense? I feel so alone right now which is ridiculous because I never get to be alone one second of the day :)
The funny thing is I know I have nothing to complain about. My life is so very blessed, but I guess this is just a cycle I go through. Kaitlyn cracks me up, she is precious and beautiful. I have a wonderful marriage. I just feel lost.