A Glimpse Into the Future...

This week Kaitlyn has been starting every sentence with "When I'm big and I'm a mommy..." She has also informed me that when she's a mommy she is going to have four babies and everyone will see her driving around in her van with her four babies. She recently stuck a balloon under her dress and exclaimed "Look Mom, I'm preganant!" So much of how she views her world comes through in her desire to be big. She is constantly saying "I wish I could do that when I'm big."

I wish I could explain to her to that these are the most wonderful, carefree days of her life. That childhood is fleeting and one day much too soon the innocence of childhood will have long since faded and the reality of adulthood will truly be upon her. I wish I could protect her from it. Yet each new skill of independence marks a milestone, a sigh of relief that we are preparing her well for the life that is ahead of her. I just wish I could look ahead, to know how better to prepare her, how to protect her from injury, and disappointment, and heartache. To know what her specific trials will be and help her before she even reaches them.

When I thought about being a mother I never imagined worrying as much as I do. Once when Kaitlyn was a newborn I remember starting to cry one day. Ben asked what was wrong and I started to blubber something about "what if she meets the wrong boy when she's a teenager and makes the wrong choices and there's nothing we can do..." I think Ben's response was something like "Honey, she's 13 days old, let's worry about day 14 and then we can worry later about when she's 13 years old."

True, I was probably a tad bit emotional and postpartum, but the point is, I think as mothers it's inherent to worry. I have perfected that skill. The skill that still needs work is trust. Trusting the Lord to know the path for my children's lives and trust He will guide me in preparing them for those paths. He knows every second of what will happen in my children's lives and I need to trust in that. Not only because I am commanded to, but also as an example to my children in where my faith lies. I think a part of me will always be a worry wart about my children but I know I need to practice less worry and more trust.

So today, despite my worry about who her future husband will be, if she'll stay close to home so I can see her often, if I will be here to see her through each trial she will face until then; I will trust in what I know. Today, she is four. She loves wearing dresses and pumping herself on the swing. Her favorite food is Macaroni and Cheese and her biggest challenge in life is living with her brother. For all the rest, I will trust in what Jeremiah 29:11 says. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I know my children have awesome, amazing futures planned for their lives. But a part of me still holds on to my mommy worry. Especially when my four year old starts pretending to be pregnant and talking about how many children she'll be loading up in the minivan.

He's Walking

Some days I still cannot believe I am a mother of two. I keep waiting to feel like a grownup. Like someone who has been married for six years and has two children, a minivan, a dog, a mortgage, and two "small businesses."


This little face reminds me though that I do have all those things. When will I be a grownup? I don't know. But seeing my son take his first steps puts everything into perspective. Being grown up can wait until tomorrow...right now I am going to play with my kids. :)

Kaitlyn's First Day of Preschool!

How is it possible that my baby is in PRESCHOOL? While I contemplate that, here are some pictures from our day...


Getting ready to leave


Her big girl backpack. It's huge. But it's princess and she loves it.


I love walking her to school. My dad used to walk me to school everyday. Isn't it strange when you do something with your children that your parents used to do with you as a child? That sense of nostalgia is enough to make me laugh and cry all at once.

As we made our way to the school she was running and screaming "Faster, faster, more, more!!!" Then she told me her stomach felt funny and she needed to stop running. Isn't that a nice story?


She obliged me long enough to hold still next to her Daddy and brother long enough for me to snap a picture.






I suppose the rest of my life will be filled with moments like these. Moments where I am smiling on the outside, and my heart is breaking just a little on the inside. I know it's going to be good...for both of us. I know why I am doing it. And I know she already loves it. But something about that independence, about that desire to explore her world and have new experiences, without me, makes my heart ache.


And there she goes. *sigh*

The World of Lance Tyler

Lance, our energetic little Bubba. He's 8 months old now and he is EVERYWHERE. Crawling, pulling himself up on anything that will hold still long enough, playing in the dogs' water bowl, cruising the furniture, growling, yelling, playing in the dogs' water bowl, pulling himself up and ...well you get the picture.



His favorite things are following his sister everywhere she goes, trying to take her toys, climbing on her, grabbing her hair, pulling on her clothes and just generally being a little brother. :) Here is one of them being cooperative, isn't that nice?

His other love though is the bathroom, specifically the bath. The boy can hear the bath running anywhere in the house and he's there!


And even when there's no prospect of a bath, he's still there...giving me this look.



Is it wrong to give him a bath 5 times a day if he gives me this look?


He often can be found looking like this. With his little tongue sticking out. Is that the cutest face you've ever seen? My heart just melts when I see his sweet little face. And then I want to go find Ben and tell him we need more little faces in our lives.



And speaking of faces...this is a face we see quite often in our house. It's that scrunchy face, with air being pushed forcefully in and out of the nostrils. He does this when prompted, and when he's frustrated, upset, irritated or bored. It's cute and highly encouraged by all members of the family.


This is him, such a smiley, happy boy. He's always laughing and squealing, especially at everything his sister does. Oh the sibling love, please tell me it will stay this way. Please?

Comparison

I have had several people comment on how much my children look alike, and likewise, have had several people tell me they look nothing alike. So for comparison purposes I dug up pictures of my children at approximately the same age, doing the same thing. What do you think?

Happy Birthday Kaitlyn!!! (And a look back)

Here are some pictures from today, Kaitlyn's 3rd birthday! Notice her (newly) pierced ears. :) We had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, but she was more interested in playing with her new toys. This afternoon we went to her favorite cupcake place for a splurge and had a special movie night as a family. She even got to stay up late. (8:30!) Happy birthday big girl, each day has been a new adventure, we love you!

Three Years Ago Today...

it was my due date. It was my due date and my baby was NOT here yet! I remember Ben taking me to a little Mexican place for dinner and making me eat jalapenos, which did nothing but give me heartburn. We even took some home in a plastic cup from the little chip and salsa buffet at the restaurant. We had been taking walks everyday and we walked that night. We went to a late Valentine's Day couples event at our church. I remember being so crabby. This was the day I was supposed to meet my baby, the day I had waited my entire life for, the day that had been circled on the calendar for nine months!

Needless to say she didn't come for another five days :) But she came exactly when she was supposed to. I began having contractions at 11pm on February 23rd. They began slowly and were irregular but by 7am Ben was telling me we needed to go to the hospital. We went outside and the truck wouldn't start, a detail that I didn't remember for a long time, probably because I was too focused on having a baby and I pushed it from my memory. :) We finally did get it started and began the almost hour drive in rush hour traffic to Camp Pendleton Naval Hospital. When we got to the hospital the Dr told the nurse I was "six and full" Ben looked at me and quietly said "Six centimeters?!?" I nodded with a smile and sent him outside to call our parents. We were having our baby! She came on a chilly February evening at 5:08 pm. When I finally held her in my arms I couldn't believe this little thing came out of me. How could something so pure and perfect have come from my body? And what did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful little girl in my life?

That day was the beginning of so many things in my life. Before that day I was married, part of a couple. Now we were a family. And now, three years (almost) later, I am in awe of what the past three years have held for us.What a joy it has been to watch her change and grow into a little person. And now, with the addition of another member of our family here I am reminded of just how blessed we are, and how much we have to look forward to.

Lance is Eight Weeks Old!

Eight weeks. Wow. It is going by even more quickly this time than it did with Kaitlyn. Things are still busy around here, but it's the good kind :) Ben has been working a ton of overtime lately and my days are filled with baby smiles and big girl mischief. (Tune in tomorrow for wordless Wednesday to see some of this mischief. ) Lance is growing like a weed, he is in 6 month clothes now, and is such a happy baby. He sleeps well and loves Kaitlyn already, even when she's poking him in the face or talking much too loudly in his ear, he always has smiles for sister.

As Kaitlyn approaches her third birthday the sass is astounding. Seriously I was expecting this kind of attitude from my teenager, not my two year old. Good times I tell ya. For the most part though she is my big helper, eager to help with anything involving her brother and especially anything to do with cooking. She loves "writing notes" and building the Eiffel Tower with her blocks. Everyday is an adventure with her, you tell her something once and she remembers...FOREVER. She must have heard the phrase "That's not fair!" somewhere because this is what she says to me whenever she's frustrated about anything. Who teaches her these things?

Third Trimester!!!

I am officially in my third trimester and have less than 90 days to go! This pregnancy has gone by so quickly (for the most part) and I am trying to enjoy every moment, seeing as we still don't know how many children we want and this could potentially be the last time I do this. Although there are some of the normal discomforts of pregnancy I can honestly say I am one of those women who not only enjoys it, but LOVES being pregnant. The whole process is so amazing to me. I love feeling the baby move, watching my body change and knowing what I am making is a miracle. And although I so long to meet this baby and hold him/her, and see my children (that still sounds weird) together, I know this part of it goes by all too quickly.

We are already so blessed to have one healthy, smart, thriving child and I feel equally blessed with the upcoming arrival of this next one. Being a parent is so much more fun than I ever thought it would be. We knew it would be hard, long nights, sick children, ER visits and lots of bodily fluids, you hear all about that. But I honestly did not know how FUN this would be. Each day is a new adventure and to see things through my child's eyes is such a blessing. Her perspective on things keeps me in the moment. As a parent I find myself eagerly looking forward to new accomplishments and milestones in her life, but clinging to the very moment we're in, knowing she will only be little for such a short amount of time. Sometimes I wish I could pause the day, hour or second we're in and go back to it at any time. There are so many things that cannot be captured, even on film. So I will try to burn the memories into my mind, as many as I can. Because I know this will all go by before I know it.