Three Years Ago Today...

it was my due date. It was my due date and my baby was NOT here yet! I remember Ben taking me to a little Mexican place for dinner and making me eat jalapenos, which did nothing but give me heartburn. We even took some home in a plastic cup from the little chip and salsa buffet at the restaurant. We had been taking walks everyday and we walked that night. We went to a late Valentine's Day couples event at our church. I remember being so crabby. This was the day I was supposed to meet my baby, the day I had waited my entire life for, the day that had been circled on the calendar for nine months!

Needless to say she didn't come for another five days :) But she came exactly when she was supposed to. I began having contractions at 11pm on February 23rd. They began slowly and were irregular but by 7am Ben was telling me we needed to go to the hospital. We went outside and the truck wouldn't start, a detail that I didn't remember for a long time, probably because I was too focused on having a baby and I pushed it from my memory. :) We finally did get it started and began the almost hour drive in rush hour traffic to Camp Pendleton Naval Hospital. When we got to the hospital the Dr told the nurse I was "six and full" Ben looked at me and quietly said "Six centimeters?!?" I nodded with a smile and sent him outside to call our parents. We were having our baby! She came on a chilly February evening at 5:08 pm. When I finally held her in my arms I couldn't believe this little thing came out of me. How could something so pure and perfect have come from my body? And what did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful little girl in my life?

That day was the beginning of so many things in my life. Before that day I was married, part of a couple. Now we were a family. And now, three years (almost) later, I am in awe of what the past three years have held for us.What a joy it has been to watch her change and grow into a little person. And now, with the addition of another member of our family here I am reminded of just how blessed we are, and how much we have to look forward to.

Third Trimester!!!

I am officially in my third trimester and have less than 90 days to go! This pregnancy has gone by so quickly (for the most part) and I am trying to enjoy every moment, seeing as we still don't know how many children we want and this could potentially be the last time I do this. Although there are some of the normal discomforts of pregnancy I can honestly say I am one of those women who not only enjoys it, but LOVES being pregnant. The whole process is so amazing to me. I love feeling the baby move, watching my body change and knowing what I am making is a miracle. And although I so long to meet this baby and hold him/her, and see my children (that still sounds weird) together, I know this part of it goes by all too quickly.

We are already so blessed to have one healthy, smart, thriving child and I feel equally blessed with the upcoming arrival of this next one. Being a parent is so much more fun than I ever thought it would be. We knew it would be hard, long nights, sick children, ER visits and lots of bodily fluids, you hear all about that. But I honestly did not know how FUN this would be. Each day is a new adventure and to see things through my child's eyes is such a blessing. Her perspective on things keeps me in the moment. As a parent I find myself eagerly looking forward to new accomplishments and milestones in her life, but clinging to the very moment we're in, knowing she will only be little for such a short amount of time. Sometimes I wish I could pause the day, hour or second we're in and go back to it at any time. There are so many things that cannot be captured, even on film. So I will try to burn the memories into my mind, as many as I can. Because I know this will all go by before I know it.

Catching Up!

It has been brought to my attention that I am a blogging world fugitive. So here I am to update everyone on what's been happening in our little world. :) Thanks for the push girls! Things are going really well at the Nelson household. Kaitlyn is sleeping in a big girl bed, is completely potty trained, wears panties even at night, and has not had an accident so far.

This pregnancy is flying by overall and I cannot believe we are halfway there. (I will be 20 weeks this Thursday.) Although I do have days where thinking about being pregnant for the entire rest of the year seems daunting! I felt the baby move for the first time last Thursday and have felt some good strong movement since then. Ben has even been able to feel it move which is pretty exciting. We had our ultrasound last week and everything looks good, two arms, two legs, all of that. We didn't find out the gender but we did get a quick peek between the legs and all I saw was dead space, so I am guessing this is another girl. Ben, however, swears he saw something between the legs and is convinced it's a boy. This should be fun. :) Only 20 more weeks to go!

Kaitlyn never fails to amaze me with the things that come out of her mouth. She has little phrases she uses constantly throughout the day. One of her favorites is "I just don't want to though." Oh the fun of having a two year old. :)

Yesterday we were in the car and she said "Mom, look at me, I'm smelling with my nose." And then proceeded to suck air in through her nostrils as hard as she could. Then she wanted me to try it. When I did she thought that was hilarious and we did that until I had to get out to pump gas. When I was done at the gas station she asked me to do it again, which I did, if a little less enthusiastically, and she told me, in a very matter-of-fact voice, "Mom, you have to be funny."

She's very into picking out what she wants to wear for the day. Luckily for the most part it's dresses so there's not too much mismatching going on, that would drive me crazy. She's all about "I do it myself" even when she can't, and has now begun to tell me "No, I'm the boss!"

She likes to rub and poke my ever expanding belly and made some comment about my belly button today. Last week I asked if she wanted to talk to the baby and she said yes. So she lifted my shirt and said "Hi baby. Ummm, I yur yister. I love you baby." And proceeded to gently rub my stomach. Oh my goodness that just melted my heart.

Time heals all wounds, right?

I have been trying to think of a way to move on from my previous post, two words I cannot seem to get past. It feels like if I write words over those ones then it just didn't happen. I am at peace knowing it just wasn't the right time, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

And to compound everything, my doctors office made everything so much worse. No one ever called me or even showed any compassion when I called them. I know this happens to many women, but I am one woman and this was monumental for me. A little compassion wouldn't hurt them. Now I am trying to figure out if I even should bother letting them know I lost the baby, they didn't seem to care while it was happening so why would they care now? I am hoping that my referral for an OBGYN went through and that I can go talk to someone who knows what they are talking about and has some sympathy and bedside manner to go with their fancy doctorate.

Like I said, I know this is common, I KNOW there is a bigger plan, I KNOW we can have others, but it will never be that one. There is still a person I will always wonder about and will never know, at least not in this life.

Guess what...

I'm pregnant. :)