I have been trying to think of a way to move on from my previous post, two words I cannot seem to get past. It feels like if I write words over those ones then it just didn't happen. I am at peace knowing it just wasn't the right time, but that doesn't make it hurt less.
And to compound everything, my doctors office made everything so much worse. No one ever called me or even showed any compassion when I called them. I know this happens to many women, but I am one woman and this was monumental for me. A little compassion wouldn't hurt them. Now I am trying to figure out if I even should bother letting them know I lost the baby, they didn't seem to care while it was happening so why would they care now? I am hoping that my referral for an OBGYN went through and that I can go talk to someone who knows what they are talking about and has some sympathy and bedside manner to go with their fancy doctorate.
Like I said, I know this is common, I KNOW there is a bigger plan, I KNOW we can have others, but it will never be that one. There is still a person I will always wonder about and will never know, at least not in this life.
3 comments:
Ooh, I'm so sorry. I also had a miscarriage at 15 weeks. It's tough at the time but I do know that time does heal. We might never know the answers to the why question but just have to trust God is in control. I just know my baby is up in heaven being taken care of by Jesus.
It is so fine to grieve your loss, Emily. Just because it wasn't that far along doesn't mean it wasn't a loss and didn't hurt. You are right -- there's a plan for you, and He's in charge of that plan, but allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. Big hugs and a PSL for you, sweetie.
I miscarried about three years ago and since had another child, but I will always wonder why it happened and what that baby would have looked like, been like. I think it is normal for moms to grieve a loss (Even though many people will tell you it isnt a real loss - it is). It is a little nagging pain that will lessen with time, but you wont forget and you shouldnt. I believe that one day you and I will see our little babies who never had a chance to fully develop and we will know the purpose of it all. God knows and He loves us and them more than anyone ever will. It is hard to take at first, but it will soon get easier. I promise. I will pray for you and your family.
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