Today while driving to a play date Kaitlyn was talking my ear off, as usual, and mentioned that Jesus always protects us. I said "yes, he does" and then she said something I will never forget. She said, with a rather worried tone of voice, "well I know He loves me but I just don't KNOW that he's really in my heart." This is not the first time this subject has come up, the previous time was also in the car and I felt ill equipped to handle something with such gravity. I wanted Ben with me to witness the moment and help us pray. But this time I knew I couldn't put it off again. My girl was aching at the core of her being to know with all certainty that what she was wishing so desperately could be true. I told her that in order for Him to live there that she has to invite Him in, and promise to follow Him forever. It was the best I could do in the moment and I was trying not to overwhelm my eager four year old with ramblings of adult theology. She simply wanted to know He was there, for sure. I told her I would pray a prayer of salvation with her and that Jesus would be in her heart if we prayed it together.
After a short lecture about how I should not close my eyes and pray while I drive because I "might bonk something with the car" and after I assured her I would keep my eyes open, we prayed. I said the words, and she repeated them carefully, word for word, head bowed, eyes closed. When we finished I assured her that Jesus had heard her prayer and that he now lived in her heart, forever. When I looked back the smile on her face was indescribable, so peaceful and joyful at the same time. Let me tell you, the rain had nothing to do with the blurred vision I was experiencing in that moment.
Then the day went on as usual. She played, laughed, sang songs and cried about losing a hand of Old Maid to her mom. But I couldn't help but wonder...does she really get it? Which immediately I answer myself in my head "do ANY of us REALLY get it?" My fear for her is that being so young she won't remember that moment, that somehow things will become stagnant, common and boring when it comes to her faith. What a huge weight it is to feel responsible for helping to guide her on this path and help keep her excited in it. Mostly today I feel grateful that God saw fit to come to earth, save me, and continue His legacy in my child. Her future was written before she was born, but today I got a small glimpse of what it could hold, and the possibilities truly are endless.
So this is her, as she is today, four years old and teaching me so much already. Part of me can't help but sigh in relief knowing that compared to her eternal fate, everything else is "easy" from here. :)